Our coffee machines are free, but disgusting. Think of a cup catching the watery run-off after hosing down a Glastonbury hippy – that’s what our coffee probably tastes like. I don’t know. I don’t drink the stuff. My boss does. I’ve counted him quaff 15 cups of it in a day.
Yes, I know it’s sad I counted but hey, sue me.
The fact he has been loitering there for most of the day probably means his manager has told him to connect with his underlings.
Great.
At about 4pm he usually does a sweep of the office asking: how people are? (underpaid), busy day? (naff off), new haircut? (no), how’s the wife? (dead).
When I say sweep, I do literally mean he sprays out questions without waiting for a reply then sprints back to the stagnant safety of his desk, his half moon glasses twinkling to remind you he was once out of his seat.
But this loitering falls outside his 4pm ‘I did my bit to be one of you guys’ routine.
It can only mean he is gearing himself up to having an open-door session. He sits at a desk in our open plan office, but once every “you need to connect with your direct reports”, he sets up an open door session in one of the offices.
He’ll sit there like a malevolent bunny in the headlamps whilst we dutifully troop in and are forced to ask questions.
Nice easy questions are preferred – how is the business doing? (mediocre), what do you think of the new regulations? (he doesn’t know about them), how’s the wife? (dead).
He doesn’t like questions such as: when we getting a pay rise? (HAHAHAHAHAHA), are we getting more staff? (HAHAHAHAHAHA), what do you do? (he resents that).
To be fair no boss would like it.
He always organises these open door sessions and seems to forget that most of the admin staff are middle-aged, mad ladies who think it is their job to embarrass him with stupid questions in front of everyone. We then have to put up with him sulking for the rest of the week.
Then, like a mindwipe, it’s forgotten in three months’ time when the latest new director has a connect-with-your-direct-reports drive and we have to suffer it all over again.
What a load of drivel.
