No-one has ever seen who delivers it. I assume they deliver it in the small time window of the night that is inhabited by only themselves and Pete Docherty.
The magazine is full of company related quizzes, crosswords, word searches and puzzles that the minions on the floor aren’t able to complete because they are supposed to be working. There is usually a nice double spread on Carl Judge our Chief Executive – ‘In summary – the graphs all pointy-up, so I’m happy.’
There will also be a feature on some local dog charity which the company has donated its old sponges for dog washing to. There is always, ALWAYS a large section on Jackie from accounts, the green toothed hag who has a suspicious mullet. She usually has some really weird hobby like collecting German teapots shaped like nudes.
She has an accompanying article explaining why she started collecting German teapots. She has on holiday in Germany once when she was 20 years old and now, 40 years later, 57 years after rationing ended, she is still collecting them.
I was asked to contribute an article for my area by my coffee-breathed manager. After putting aside my puerile sense of humour and producing a sensible, mature, thoughtful piece on my work, my job and my colleagues, I submitted it with a sharp thrill of excitement. The kind of excitement that is only gained by doing something slightly different from my 20 year work routine.
I got an email back telling me that repossessing houses wasn’t the sort of thing my Mortgage Company wants to put in its in-house magazine.
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