Our company has a pretty efficient emergency procedure.

Well, when I say efficient I mean ramshackle.

And when I say ramshackle, I mean everyone randomly gets up in a desultory manner when the fire alarm goes off and aimlessly wanders towards the nearest door in an uncoordinated people splurge, much like seeds off a dandelion clock.

We regularly have practice drills every month.

So, a few hundred people meander down to a nearby bus stop and stand in the sunshine having fags or stand about bitterly complaining about the rain and curse the necessity of fire drills.

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So far, so hum drum.

However, some disgruntled employee, whether past or present, has discovered that if they regularly ring into the fire service and make a bomb threat, the whole building has to empty as a precaution.

Five times last month and six times so far this month.

Not that we’re told much, but the voice is a sort of muffled female or squeaky young male’s.

All very interesting and difficult to pinpoint who has been doing it.

Why it’s difficult, I don’t know. I wouldn’t have thought it was difficult to trace a call, but that’s what we’re told.

The first few times it was quite fun – you get to catch up with the people in the office that you don’t normally see and check out what everyone is wearing, much like parent’s evening.

However, I’ll confess that, after the umpteenth time of slow walking in a football crowd past an alarm loud enough to short circuit a satellite, it is getting a little wearing.

I am all for finding new ways of avoiding doing work, but rather than wasting the time of our brave emergency services, I hope that our peeved saboteur finds a new way of passing the time.

Something more entertaining.

Maybe releasing computer viruses or locking the toilets. Just saying….