Thomson’s wife Kathryn was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer eight years ago and went through rounds of chemotherapy and surgery before being given the all clear.
Although she recovered, Thomson said this came with feelings of guilt, questions of why she survived and impacts on both of their mental health.
They turned to the Nottingham arm of Maggie’s charity, which provides care to people who have been diagnosed with cancer and those around them.
He said it was “numbing” to hear the news of a cancer diagnosis and a challenge to learn how to deal with it, as well as family and loved ones.
Thomson said he was “only a bystander” to his wife’s diagnosis, but still experienced emotions related to that.
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He said even when the surgeons were preparing to operate on his wife, they told him the procedure depended on what they saw during the laparoscopy and that could have meant they aborted the surgery, which would have given her a prognosis of fewer than six months to live.
Thomson said: “It’s dealing with all of that emotion, then the emotion of survival, surprisingly, even though we’re on the right side of it.
“We’re part of a group of people [within Maggie’s] who are called ‘Where Now?’ and out of that they ask: ‘Where do we go from here? Where is the new normal?’
“There are very few [of them] left, you get the guilt of, ‘why am I surviving?’ and it’s sad to say, but it’s down to luck. You can put yourself in the best position through your diet and lifestyle, but everybody fights as hard as anybody else, so it is down to just a bit of luck, good surgeons, the excellent NHS… it’s a tough time for anybody going through it at any level.”
Thomson said it was not shameful to admit you needed help and had no answers, which is where Maggie’s helped and let them know their feelings were normal.
Thomson said he and Kathryn considered themselves lucky, as many others went through the same thing and did not have a positive outcome.
They became grandparents six months ago and Thomson said as it was only six years ago, they did not think his wife would be around to see that. Since, they have seen their son get married and become a father.
“Those are the important things and they drive us, they give us the strength to push on,” Thomson added.
Preparing for the challenge
The Scilly Swim will be completed in one day on 2 September with a swim to each island and a walk across each one to the next starting point.
This includes a 3km swim from St Mary’s to St Agnes, 5km to Samson, 1km to Bryher, 600 metres to Tresco, 2.5km to St Martins and 3km back to St Mary’s.
It is expected to be between 13 and 15 degrees Celsius on the day in different open water conditions.
Because Thomson does not live near the sea, he is preparing by completing weekly open water swimming sessions in a local gravel pit and will do a swim on an upcoming holiday to the Outer Hebrides. He will also take part in three big lake races to build up his stamina, as the swim requires Thomson to have a speed of 28 minutes per kilometre.
At least once per week, he trains in a wetsuit to get accustomed to what the conditions will be on the day.
The Scilly Swim has been organised by Swim West, which has provided a training plan, and Thomson has adjusted his diet and alcohol intake.
“It’s not always that easy to cut out on with the social side of this business, but it’s getting the discipline in,” he added.
Thomson hopes to raise £2,500 with the help of lenders, including Allica Bank, which has already pledged its support.
Speaking up in the mortgage sector
Thomson said how people dealt with illness and other life events was “very individual” and said it was good to see that the mortgage sector was more open when speaking about mental health, as this could be the result of such circumstances.
“It’s also down to the individual to stick their hand out and say: ‘Help, I’m not coping with this’,” he added.
A few people in the mortgage sector knew Kathryn was ill and supported Thomson at the time, and he gave a special mention to Chetwood Financial’s Roger Morris, who was there for him both personally and professionally.
Thomson said it was times like this that “the cream rises to the top”, adding that it was also surprising to see who was there for his wife through her diagnosis and who was not.
He added: “Some people just find it very difficult to deal with, even remotely, and [shy] away from it, can’t speak to them, it was quite surprising at the time, but it is the mental side of it. It’s not happening to them, but they deal with it by not wanting to speak about it.”
Thomson said this impacted the person with cancer even more, as they realised that the people they expected to be around them were not.
He said the Mortgage Industry Mental Health Charter (MIMHC) was also designed for this, to support people in the different ways they coped with events.
“It’s about how each individual deals with things and raising awareness so people aren’t ashamed to say they don’t know how to deal with it,” Thomson added.
To help Thomson raise money, please visit this link: https://www.justgiving.com/page/kevin-thomson-12
