Food. The bedrock of any successful businessman, office worker or entrepreneur’s day.
From Fat Cats in the City to a successful run on X Factor by an underestimated fattie with a big voice. From great character actors winning a nod for portraying authority figures to the much loved bullied schoolboy carrying a few pounds. They all owe their success to food.
Food at my work is governed by several constraints. There are b****r all shops nearby so the weight of expectation is therefore squarely laid upon the uncaring shoulders of our canteen.
Our company have obviously signed an austerity era contract whereby they pay a pittance for the catering services and the caterers cheerfully serve up ‘food’ for under £2.00.
Under £2.00. Pretty reasonable you say, and it is. If you ignore the Pork sandwiches on a Monday, the pork stirfry on a tuesday, shredded pork and rice curry on a wednesday, Pork and fish whatever on a Thursday and so on. You get the drift – recycling the pigbin.
Now, I’m all for waste not want not, but something not resembling blind Auntie Marge’s left overs is all I ask.
The desserts are usually some kind of sponge on a Monday followed by variants each day thereafter where they have scraped the topping off and replaced it afresh. Usually with something red.
The service kinda follows the same pattern from the beady eyed chef furiously watching you to check you aren’t using metal cutlery if taking food out (there are eight different types of plastic cutlery – sadly no lobster picks) to the very angry teenage girl who serves the chips with all the aggression of a 1970s Leeds Utd defender.
You then have the pleasure of sitting at your desk and smelling the delightful fish pie ensemble that people are reheating at the nearest microwave. Think dead Flipper under the jetty.
Curiously, the standard of food for meetings is dependent on who is in them. For low level meets, I can expect limp-handshake sandwiches, for higher level meetings the food rises to mediocre.
All in all, we deserve so much more. Or I could stop being a lazy git and make my own lunch.
But where is the fun in moaning about that?
