Speaking at the September Diversity and Inclusivity Finance Forum (DIFF) podcast, Paul Adams, sales director at Pepper Money shared how his family, friends and colleagues helped him to get the support he needed when he realised he had an alcohol addiction.
Adams said life events and changes over the last four years had slowly built up, such as his divorce, four house moves, his current partner being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, having a baby and the pandemic. Combined with unresolved emotions around his dad’s death earlier in life, Adams said he tended to tuck his feelings away rather than deal with them, which led to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Adams said he had always enjoyed a drink, but his intake has increased following his divorce. He had moved to Cheltenham and had a new life, where he was going out more and eating less healthily.
He would start to think about opening a can of beer on the way home and once he got in, would have a drink before he even took a shower.
Adams said he noticed he was “feeling sluggish, less motivated” and developed anxiety.
Although he was used to putting himself in situations which made him feel uncomfortable and nervous, “suddenly I had alcohol accentuate that, and make it worse”.
Intervention
Adams’ family tried to step in to help, but he said: “Me being fairly stubborn at that moment in time, I thought ‘no I can deal with this, I’ll sort it, don’t worry. It’s just a blip and I’ll get over it’.”. However, he found the more time went on, the worse things got.
His anxiety increased while his relationships with family and friends changed. Adams started hiding away from friends and becoming less reliable to his family.
He added: “That was the time my partner really needed me because of her condition. plus a new baby, [but] I was fairly absent at that point.”
There came a time when Adams “thought he hit rock bottom”, and that is when his sister drove him to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and sat outside to make sure he did not leave early.
At that point, Adams recognised he was an alcoholic but still thought he could sort it out by himself. Instead, things worsened.
Functioning at work
Adams managed to carry on at work fairly normally. However, describing his direct reports Ryan Brailsford, director of business development, and Caroline Mirakian, sales director of second mortgages, as “saviours”, he had to hand some tasks over to them.
“I was too anxious to do these things, which I hated, I hated that feeling. But it was great to have these two amazing people around me that I could trust to do that so it kind of took the load away,” he said.
Mirakian and Brailsford took on internal and external jobs on Adams’ behalf, sometimes covering for him for podcast and panel debate appearances.
As this continued, Adams felt it would not be too long before he started dropping balls, predicting the change in his behaviour and productivity would soon become apparent to his colleagues and peers. This feeling only worsened his anxiety.
One day, he decided to call his manager Richard Spinks with the belief that “a problem shared is a problem halved”.
However, Adams called Spinks on a Saturday while he had been drinking, so had to make the call again the next day as he could not remember what he said or the solutions they had agreed upon.
“That’s the extent it got to, which is clearly embarrassing, quite shameful in many respects. Though, I’ve learned to cope with the shame and embarrassment of it now,” Adams said.
Adams said Spinks was “phenomenal” in his support.
Acknowledgement and treatment
Adams had two options; to be admitted to the Priory and undergo therapy to deal with the events which led to his alcoholism or to do virtual therapy sessions. Adams said virtual therapy was his preferred choice so he could continue to do his work, but Spinks told him to admit himself to the Priory.
Adams said that gave him “one less thing to worry about”.
“The reason why that was so important to me was because that gave me the space to not worry about work. My job was safe, I’d been honest with them, they were being really supportive of me.”
As for how he realised he had a problem with alcohol, Adams said it was when he could not go a day without a drink. Despite being aware of his increased consumption, he ignored it until it got worse.
He added: “I definitely was dependent on it by the time I got to the Priory.”
Adams has now been sober for nine months.
A supportive culture
Also appearing on the podcast was Claire Smith, people and culture director at Mortgage Advice Bureau, who said the “overwhelming” message of Adams’ account was to have an “open and supportive culture with no judgment”.
Having recently joined the mortgage sector, Smith said she found there was unity among colleagues, and “sitting alongside that is the ‘work hard, play hard’ culture that I feel I’m surrounded with”.
Although the balance between work and play suited her personality, Smith said Adams’ story resonated and made her think about what the industry and her as an employer could do to support individuals.
Citing research from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD), Smith said during the pandemic 27 per cent of people had increased their alcohol consumption.
“We have to accept that 30 per cent of our colleagues may have seen alcohol consumption increase,” she said, despite just 33 per cent of employers providing information on sources of support for drugs and alcohol-related problems.
As more people work remotely, Smith urged colleagues and managers to pay attention to people changing their work hours, increasing sick days, turning the camera off during video calls and altered behaviours.
Adams agreed, noting that he had gained weight while he was battling alcoholism and his skin had turned grey and sweaty.
Smith said an effective approach to find out if someone was dealing with an addiction could be to meet them in a neutral, informal setting and genuinely ask if they were okay. She said getting someone in from HR was not always the best route.
Smith went on to say it does not matter what size your business is, as all it takes is “a little bit of time, a little bit of thought and a little bit of planning around communicating”.
Listen to the podcast [34:36] hosted by Bharat Sagar, ambassador at large at AE3 Media and featuring Paul Adams, sales director at Pepper Money and Claire Smith, people and culture director at Mortgage Advice Bureau.
